a restless reaction [part 1]

[i wrote this over the summer. i've been tweaking it little by little & i intend on writing a part 2 eventually...]


i awoke distressed,
with thoughts restless,
moving as
a fallen leaf
windblown on concrete for miles on
end.

my body remains clothed with invisible hand prints
left by your caress the night prior.
i can't ignore the space left in my bed that you filled,
growing greater as minutes multiply,
setting miles between me and comfort
while remembering how our voices would meet, waltz, and
echo off the empty walls surrounding me,
currently encompassing me in this solitary state of being.

you once reminded me that sleep was the cousin of
death -
so you stayed awake to snap branches off this family tree,
living every moment testing me and
determining what you could get away with.
like a curious child by the tree on christmas eve you
envisioned what you couldn't see
while our hands played a game of bumper cars,
pushing and shoving,
playfully touching
cuz we couldn't get closer without us colliding,
combining into one new being
- a mango on a summer day craved yet solid green, i wasn't quite ready.



i remember one night spent glancing down at your hands,
rubbing one against my own,
two frictionless beings drenched in
sweat like middle school children on their first date,
hands gliding across my body like ice skates on a frozen pond on a winter morning.
i pressed your hand into my own,
gazing at the tip of your fingers towering over mine,
screaming promises of safety down to the ground below me.

the black of night poured into the colors of sunrise,
mixed as watercolor pastels on an unclean brush led back to canvas.
5 AM construction continued outside my window,
beating the concrete paths of the windblown leaves of fall pasts.
the birds rehearsed their daily symphony
and you remained next to me,
arm resting heavily on top of me,
promises embedded in me.


we'll see...